Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Liars
It is generally thought that you can trust your family. Turns out that there is no one that you can trust....with anything. No matter who someone is, or how important they are to you, they will have no trouble turning around and stabbing you in the back. Even someone as important as your Grandmother. The person you thought was always on your side and always had your best interests at heart. They wonder why they have closed your self off.........why you do not want to get attached to anyone and willl get rid of them before they hurt you........Who can you trust?? Sometimes you can't even trust yourself and your judgement. There is just too much shit going on. You try to forget it, you try to move on, but it doesn't seem to work.
You just hope that HE doesn't get hurt in the process. He is so innocent and un aware of what is going on around him. Men were the worst offenders out of all of them and that is who you take it out on most. Remember, he has done nothing wrong!!!! He is not them....but it is hard to seperate and trust any man again. You know that he won't cheat. Not because you trust him, but because he wouldn't know how even if he wanted to.
HOW DO YOU START TO TRUST AGAIN? AND CAN YOU HAVE LOVE WITHOUT TRUST?????
You just hope that HE doesn't get hurt in the process. He is so innocent and un aware of what is going on around him. Men were the worst offenders out of all of them and that is who you take it out on most. Remember, he has done nothing wrong!!!! He is not them....but it is hard to seperate and trust any man again. You know that he won't cheat. Not because you trust him, but because he wouldn't know how even if he wanted to.
HOW DO YOU START TO TRUST AGAIN? AND CAN YOU HAVE LOVE WITHOUT TRUST?????
Monday, April 4, 2011
Love and Marriage....take 2
So, I have recently gotten engaged to a great man that I love and my family adores.
This will be my second marriage, but the first one that is done right (I eloped the first time). My mom is excitedly planning the reception and the church has already been reserved. I have my bridesmaids and have picked out my colors. I should be excited, right?
I AM PETRIFIED!!!!!!!
My first marriage was not a good one. I married him to get away from home and while I knew him for 5 years before we got married, I realized shortly after that I did not know him at all.
My ex was military, and not just any service, He is a Marine. Now, I knew him all through highschool as this mild mannered, shy, really sweet guy. That is the guy that I fell in love with. After bootcamp, he completely changed (as most of them do). He acquired the god complex and thought his self so much better than anyone else, including me. We were married for 4 years and he cheated on me a total of 5 times. Because he is a Marine, women around the base flock to them for financial security and to get out of their little towns. He apparently didn't say no. Especially when he went away on Debt. The women in other countries loved him. My question always was, Why marry me if you wanted to be able to go out with other women? Then answer I figured out after my divorce, and that was that he didn't want to be alone. The military sent him out to the other side of the country and he wanted someone there that he knew as comfort. As soon as he was comfortable, I was no longer required. He ended up leaving me for one of the girls that he cheated on me with.
So my worry is this, (quite obvious) What if this happens again? My fiance is not military (not going there again), however, he was a virgin when I met him. Not only in the sex sence but also in the relationship sence. What if he realizes down the line that he wants to have more experience and doesn't want to settle with the first girl that he was with? What will I do then? The thought is really scary. I want to say that I know him, and that would never happen, but that is what I thought with the first one too. How do I get over this? I don't want to ruin something that could be great with my worries, but I can't get hurt like that again.
This will be my second marriage, but the first one that is done right (I eloped the first time). My mom is excitedly planning the reception and the church has already been reserved. I have my bridesmaids and have picked out my colors. I should be excited, right?
I AM PETRIFIED!!!!!!!
My first marriage was not a good one. I married him to get away from home and while I knew him for 5 years before we got married, I realized shortly after that I did not know him at all.
My ex was military, and not just any service, He is a Marine. Now, I knew him all through highschool as this mild mannered, shy, really sweet guy. That is the guy that I fell in love with. After bootcamp, he completely changed (as most of them do). He acquired the god complex and thought his self so much better than anyone else, including me. We were married for 4 years and he cheated on me a total of 5 times. Because he is a Marine, women around the base flock to them for financial security and to get out of their little towns. He apparently didn't say no. Especially when he went away on Debt. The women in other countries loved him. My question always was, Why marry me if you wanted to be able to go out with other women? Then answer I figured out after my divorce, and that was that he didn't want to be alone. The military sent him out to the other side of the country and he wanted someone there that he knew as comfort. As soon as he was comfortable, I was no longer required. He ended up leaving me for one of the girls that he cheated on me with.
So my worry is this, (quite obvious) What if this happens again? My fiance is not military (not going there again), however, he was a virgin when I met him. Not only in the sex sence but also in the relationship sence. What if he realizes down the line that he wants to have more experience and doesn't want to settle with the first girl that he was with? What will I do then? The thought is really scary. I want to say that I know him, and that would never happen, but that is what I thought with the first one too. How do I get over this? I don't want to ruin something that could be great with my worries, but I can't get hurt like that again.
First Blog:)
This blog is going to be my place to vent and work things out for my self.
Most of them will be random and not really have flow, but I think this will really help me out in the long run.
Everything in my life is going really great right now.....at least on the surface. I just really want to do more! Explore and do something extraordinary!!!! I don't want to be this little girl from the midwest that doesnt do anything but eat and have babies. I am engaged and I love my fiance, but even he doesn't understand. He is fully content to work and sleep, thats all. No hobbies, no passions, no goals. There is just so much more to life then that. He has a good job and makes plenty of money, but likes to make up money problems for some reason. Saying that we are broke when that is not even close to the truth. He offers to buy things for me that I want or need, but either goes back on his promise, or gives me so much shit about it that we get into a huge fight. He makes it seen like I am asking for all of this money, when in reality he is offering. I never asked!! The money issue starts so man arguements. He says that his money is just that, his money. I have no say or can not make any comments on how he spends it. BUT he wants to know my accounts. How much money that I spend, how much I have left and feels the need to try to dictate what I do with it. I am truly at the end of my rope with this. He goes on and on how this is our money, and yet, when he is cranky or in a bad mood, it is HIS money. WTF!
I sit at my boring office job, everyday. Doing paperwork for a paycheck that barely covers the bills. The only joy I have is when I go to School at night. I am in school to be a hairdresser and I couldn't be happier with it. I get to do something that I really enjoy doing, with people that I adore! The ladies in my class are great and so friendly. It is truly comforting to go there every night. It gives me something to look forward to.
I come from a broken and yet fixed home. My mom got married when I was 7. My half-sisters and I are 10 and 12 years apart, and most times people think that there are only 2 girls in the family not 3. I get forgotten alot becasue I am an adult and do not live at home. They go and do things and I kinda get pushed to the wayside. Yet I am supposed to be the problem solver for the family. My mom, step-dad and sisters all call to talk to me about the other. It gets so overwelming at times, I just don't even know what to say anymore. Then there is my Grandma that is only 66 years old but is really losing it. She can't remember things and is so self involved. Most of the time she doesn't even realize that other people are talking and will just talk right over them. It is pointless to even try. Blah!
Most of them will be random and not really have flow, but I think this will really help me out in the long run.
Everything in my life is going really great right now.....at least on the surface. I just really want to do more! Explore and do something extraordinary!!!! I don't want to be this little girl from the midwest that doesnt do anything but eat and have babies. I am engaged and I love my fiance, but even he doesn't understand. He is fully content to work and sleep, thats all. No hobbies, no passions, no goals. There is just so much more to life then that. He has a good job and makes plenty of money, but likes to make up money problems for some reason. Saying that we are broke when that is not even close to the truth. He offers to buy things for me that I want or need, but either goes back on his promise, or gives me so much shit about it that we get into a huge fight. He makes it seen like I am asking for all of this money, when in reality he is offering. I never asked!! The money issue starts so man arguements. He says that his money is just that, his money. I have no say or can not make any comments on how he spends it. BUT he wants to know my accounts. How much money that I spend, how much I have left and feels the need to try to dictate what I do with it. I am truly at the end of my rope with this. He goes on and on how this is our money, and yet, when he is cranky or in a bad mood, it is HIS money. WTF!
I sit at my boring office job, everyday. Doing paperwork for a paycheck that barely covers the bills. The only joy I have is when I go to School at night. I am in school to be a hairdresser and I couldn't be happier with it. I get to do something that I really enjoy doing, with people that I adore! The ladies in my class are great and so friendly. It is truly comforting to go there every night. It gives me something to look forward to.
I come from a broken and yet fixed home. My mom got married when I was 7. My half-sisters and I are 10 and 12 years apart, and most times people think that there are only 2 girls in the family not 3. I get forgotten alot becasue I am an adult and do not live at home. They go and do things and I kinda get pushed to the wayside. Yet I am supposed to be the problem solver for the family. My mom, step-dad and sisters all call to talk to me about the other. It gets so overwelming at times, I just don't even know what to say anymore. Then there is my Grandma that is only 66 years old but is really losing it. She can't remember things and is so self involved. Most of the time she doesn't even realize that other people are talking and will just talk right over them. It is pointless to even try. Blah!
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